After alot of DEEEEEPPPPP soul-searching this weekend (and basically a breakdown on Friday) I have decided to not blog about my Love Dare, at least not for the time-being.
I am still doing it (well I am stuck on Day #5, but will continue) but I think I was blogging about it for all the wrong reasons.
I am doing the Transformation Challenge and really working on healing myself/making myself healthy and HAPPY from the INSIDE OUT. Thru some of Bill's assignments, I am learning more & more hard-to-face facts about myself. Things that I dont like and that I need to and WILL change, so that I can live the life that God has intended for me.
One big obstacle that I am working to overcome is that I have always been a "people-pleaser". ALWAYS looking to find "validation" thru others eyes, gain their acceptance...have them praise me, etc. Thats where I feel my Blogging of my Love Dare Challenge comes into play.
During my workout this morning , it hit me: As long as I am DOING the Dares, giving my heart & soul to complete each Day's "mission" and be the best (future) wife I can be to Chris, theres really no reason for me to blog about it to the whole world. I dont need anyones outside influence or praise-I only need Gods acceptance & guidance, and to learn how to find validation within myself.
I really do like the Dare, and I have seen so many ways that it is blessing my life already..but I just think (at least for right now) I need to do it quietly. But...if theres anything yall wanna ask me about it, Im open to share one-on-one...just shoot me an email or gimme a call :)
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Super COOL PRODUCT REVIEW: The InStyler!
Ok..sorry girlz...this is totally off-topic from my Love Dare Assignments, but I HAFTA share my Product Review!
As some of you probably already know, I'm a Info-Mercial junkie!! I loooove watching and WANTING to buy gadgets and gizmos that are on the Infomercials! Seriously-how could I not?! WHERE oh wherrrrrre would I be without my Awesome George Foreman Grill (which cooked so many BFL meals over the years!) and my handy dandy, amazing Magic Bullet Blender? Honestly- I use those products almsot every single day!!
So....My newest InfoMercial love is the InStyler: "The Amazing Rotating Hot Iron that straightens, curls & styles faster than you ever dreamed possible!"
I received the InStlyer from my Mom as a Christmas Gift. I guess she seen the commercial, and KNOWS how I fight & fight with my super curly, thick hair to get it smooth & straight and thought "She's gunna loove this!" She was RIGHT!!
Since the product was on backorder..it just arrived a few days ago. Today was the 1st time I used it-OMGoshhhhh. I. Have. Straight. Shiny, Hair!!!! AND...it only took me less than 20 minutes! I have NEVERRRRR found ANYTHING that could do this-so Im all giddy about it :)
Didnt have time (was runnin late for work) to try out how it curls/flips/adds volume but it worked a miracle on my dry, washed-yesterday, frizzy-nappy mane!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Day 1- Love Is Patient
My Day # 1 Assignment: Resolve to demonstrate patience & to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the tempatation arises, choose to not say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
I THOUGHT it was actually going to be fairly easy for me because Chris & I don't really say anything negative ABOUT each other to each other. (but yeahhh..as my BFF's can attest to-I DO have a tendency to "vent" during girl-talk!) I even became a little "cocky" about the Assignment during the early part of the day ...thinking " I've got this one ace-d!"
THEN.....reality check! After re-reading the Assignment and talkin to Jen, I realized it wasnt necessarily about me saying negative things ABOUT Him.....it NEEDED to include saying NOTHING NEGATIVE AT ALL! Ahhhhh!!!! Now THIS was gunna be ALOT harder...
Suddenly, I started re-playing scenes in my head of all the negative things I say on a regular basis TO Chris about "stuff". All kinds of stuff: gossipy stuff, sh*t-talkin stuff, mean, nasty stuff: comments about EVERYTHING from the way people drive, to how a store clerk "thinks shes all that" and just STUFF! Honestly, its all stuff that I DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT AT ALL!!! Plus, its almost ALWAYS just MY PERCEPTION of things, not reality!
So....with my new-found awareness of how much of a Negative-Nancy I have been....I headed over to Chris' for dinner, to spend some time with my honey, and of course-put Assingment 1 into action.
I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT what came out of my mouth from the moment I stepped thru the door....and remained COMPLETLY negative-free.... FOR THE FIRST TWO HOURS. Then, without even thinking...I did it. I started saying just stupid negative things about the singers on the music videos we were watching. WTHeck?? "Dangg...he looks BADDDDDDD in this video"..."Wow-WHAT happened to herrrrr-she USED TO BE soo pretty in her last video"...blah blah blahhhhhhh. Just stupid negative comments about STUFF.
As soon as I realized what I was saying, I STOPPED. Stopped sayin all that crap dead on the spot! Who was I to be JUDGING someone else, or even talking about them? I surely was NOT actin/living as the woman I want to become...so I apologized to Chris and God for my actions & words.
After that, I am proud to say I did ALOT better! :) No negativity or trash-talkin, even when Chris said he wanted to have a Redneck Wedding like "My Big Redneck Wedding" TV show! hahahaha!
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On another note:
I spent ALOT of time thinking today about NEGATIVE TALK and I think I need to add a new "Twist" to my Love Dare: I need to not say anything negative TO MYSELF for the next day. Now THIS is gunna be the REAL Challenge.....
I THOUGHT it was actually going to be fairly easy for me because Chris & I don't really say anything negative ABOUT each other to each other. (but yeahhh..as my BFF's can attest to-I DO have a tendency to "vent" during girl-talk!) I even became a little "cocky" about the Assignment during the early part of the day ...thinking " I've got this one ace-d!"
THEN.....reality check! After re-reading the Assignment and talkin to Jen, I realized it wasnt necessarily about me saying negative things ABOUT Him.....it NEEDED to include saying NOTHING NEGATIVE AT ALL! Ahhhhh!!!! Now THIS was gunna be ALOT harder...
Suddenly, I started re-playing scenes in my head of all the negative things I say on a regular basis TO Chris about "stuff". All kinds of stuff: gossipy stuff, sh*t-talkin stuff, mean, nasty stuff: comments about EVERYTHING from the way people drive, to how a store clerk "thinks shes all that" and just STUFF! Honestly, its all stuff that I DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT AT ALL!!! Plus, its almost ALWAYS just MY PERCEPTION of things, not reality!
So....with my new-found awareness of how much of a Negative-Nancy I have been....I headed over to Chris' for dinner, to spend some time with my honey, and of course-put Assingment 1 into action.
I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT what came out of my mouth from the moment I stepped thru the door....and remained COMPLETLY negative-free.... FOR THE FIRST TWO HOURS. Then, without even thinking...I did it. I started saying just stupid negative things about the singers on the music videos we were watching. WTHeck?? "Dangg...he looks BADDDDDDD in this video"..."Wow-WHAT happened to herrrrr-she USED TO BE soo pretty in her last video"...blah blah blahhhhhhh. Just stupid negative comments about STUFF.
As soon as I realized what I was saying, I STOPPED. Stopped sayin all that crap dead on the spot! Who was I to be JUDGING someone else, or even talking about them? I surely was NOT actin/living as the woman I want to become...so I apologized to Chris and God for my actions & words.
After that, I am proud to say I did ALOT better! :) No negativity or trash-talkin, even when Chris said he wanted to have a Redneck Wedding like "My Big Redneck Wedding" TV show! hahahaha!
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On another note:
I spent ALOT of time thinking today about NEGATIVE TALK and I think I need to add a new "Twist" to my Love Dare: I need to not say anything negative TO MYSELF for the next day. Now THIS is gunna be the REAL Challenge.....
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Don't forget...this Mission is TOP SECRET!
Im still undecided if I am goin to keep this blog public or make it private Honestly I dont think anyone reads it anymore anyways) But...I dont want Chris to find out about the Dare Journey :) (He never "checks up on me" ..but his Gramma had the link, so Im not sure if she drops in from time to time.) So Chris' Gramma..If you do stop by -PLEASE don't tell!
Im still undecided if I am goin to keep this blog public or make it private Honestly I dont think anyone reads it anymore anyways) But...I dont want Chris to find out about the Dare Journey :) (He never "checks up on me" ..but his Gramma had the link, so Im not sure if she drops in from time to time.) So Chris' Gramma..If you do stop by -PLEASE don't tell!
I'm Taking The Dare!
On New Years Day I started thinking about The Love Dare. I read a little bit about it online, and had pretty much decided I was going to get the book and give it a try..but I was still hestitant because its written for MARRIED couples. If youre not familiar with it, it is a 40 Day Journey that you do WITHOUT your spouse/partner knowing that you are doing it. Each day there is a new "Secret Agent" Assignment or Mission as my girls like to call it...and each is designed to build an even stronger, God-based relationship. Think that kinda sums it up :)
After lots of thinkin and girl-talk w/BFF Jen, I made the committment. And even though it is written to help marriages (and we're not married YET), I KNOW Chris & I WILL be married, so why not start now?! Nothing like a super strong foundation right? And seriously-we've been together almost every single day since our 1st date almost 2 years ago :)
I prepped myself on Sunday..with a start date of Monday Jan 12. I read ahead a few days, tryin to get an idea of what to expect and see if it really could/will benefit us even as a "dating" couple....and the excitment started to grow :) So...true to form, wouldnt you know... the devil TRIED to steer me off course! Chris & I went to Starbucks immediatly after I read my book--me all full of optimsm and giddy...looking forward to starting the Dare the next day. I decided to stay in the car as he ran in..no big deal. When he came back, he was smiling & happy-- he had ran into an ex-GF's parents inside. It was the 1st time he had seen them in YEARS. Again..no big deal RIGGGHHHTTT?? So WHY did I suddenly become the Insecure, jealous, ugly-actin GF?? I neverrrrr get like that with Chris! He has never given me ANY reason what-so-ever to feel jealous, so why now? Then it became clear..that dang ol' devil! He was workin OT that day....I found out later that he even tried to prevent Jen from starting her Dare too--but we are Women of Christ: WE WILL NOT BE MOVED!!
A wonderful new friend of mine is currently doing the Love Dare too (shes on Day 11 I think) and she is blogging her journey. I AM SO THANKFUL for her honesty and for giving me the inspiration to be honest and open too. I am following her lead, and blessed by her each time I read her entries. And I can't foregt to mention: She describes us as "Secret Agent Wives!" I LOVE THAT! It sounds sooo exciting and mysterious!
One of my Biggest Challenges while I blog my journey is simple-to be here, be open, honest, put myself "out there" and allow myself to be vulnerable.It puts me WAAAAY out of my comfort zone, but the time is right, and it NEEDS to be done, so that I can become the woman that God made me to be!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
4Th Picture (Tagged By Beka & Jen)
OK..since I was tagged by both Beka & Jen...I guess I gotta play! This is fun-thanks Girlys :)
4Th Picture:
*Pick the 4th pics folder on your computer
*Pick the 4th picture
*Explain the picture
*Tag 4 more peeps
*******************************
JANEL
BUBBLZ
HAYLEY
DANI
4Th Picture:
*Pick the 4th pics folder on your computer
*Pick the 4th picture
*Explain the picture
*Tag 4 more peeps
*******************************
My 4th Pic: This was in December 2005: Despina, Willow, Mariah & Me. Me & Blake flew out to Atlanta to visit Mariah & Steve & we all had sooo much fun this night but OMGoshh was it C-O-L-D!!
JANEL
BUBBLZ
HAYLEY
DANI
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Takin' this from Janel's Blog...
Becuz I LOVED it soooo much!
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1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.(unless I already have! ;)
************************************************
Thanks Janel! Thinkin about the memories of you and AZ has me "homesick"...Happy and sad all at the same time...Miss you!
Actually I miss ALL my BFL & bloggin buds...so c'mon...PLEASE play along!
************************************
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.(unless I already have! ;)
************************************************
Thanks Janel! Thinkin about the memories of you and AZ has me "homesick"...Happy and sad all at the same time...Miss you!
Actually I miss ALL my BFL & bloggin buds...so c'mon...PLEASE play along!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Heres a better view of the Bird...(and Peteys hand!) He was a BIG'UN!!Monday, March 31, 2008
SHHHHHH!!! Be Vewwy Vewwy Quiet....
We're hunting Turkeys!!!!
Turkey season opened on Saturday...and me & Pops were in full Redneck-Mode!
Seriously....You Might Be a Redneck if you can sit INSIDE yer house & call Turkeys up to the front door, then fire off an arrow or 2 right at 'um!! Bwahahahaha. Actually the funniest part was that Pops just knocked a bunch of feathers off its butt-and I was chasin' fuckin turkeys ALL OVER the damn hills all afternoon.
Yep-me in my pink n blue flannel penguin pj's, a hoody, my John Deere baseball cap--hobbling up & down the hills with my bum knee-it was HILARIOUS!! We finally gave up, and wouldnt ya know it, as soon as we did-they came back into the yard FOUR more times that day, and we STILL havent got one. WTF?! Bwahahahaha!!
Oh well, it was super-fun spending time w/Pops, being goofy and workin on mah Turkey-callin' skillz. (Im pretty damn good too!) And Hopefully within the next few days Ill be chompin on a delicious turkey drumstick.....
Friday, March 28, 2008
Me N Mah GIRLZ!!!
This definately makes me smile!! I love you both-and never woulda got through the last coupla years without yall.
Enough of the damn Pity Party.....
Yesterdays post-wow-WTF was that all about? Honestly...I write what I FEEL and thats exactly what I was feeling yesterday (and have been for a while).
Nothin' more, nothin' less.
I know there are a few things on that list that I have no control over, but there are also ALOT of things that I DO have the POWER TO CHANGE--first & foremost: MY ATTITUDE & HOW I CHOOSE TO DEAL WITH THESE "Bumps in the road".
Nothin' more, nothin' less.
I know there are a few things on that list that I have no control over, but there are also ALOT of things that I DO have the POWER TO CHANGE--first & foremost: MY ATTITUDE & HOW I CHOOSE TO DEAL WITH THESE "Bumps in the road".
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I'm Tired.....
*Tired of feeling run down all the time.
*Tired of going to Dr. appt's
*Tired of waiting to hear WHAT the Doc's are gunna do next
*Tired of not sleeping
*Tired of BEING TIRED
*Tired of working
*Tired of fighting my depression & trying to SMILE through it all
*Tired of all the bullshit behind the Tony/Beka stuff (You know I love you Beka-Girl!)
*Tired of beating myself up over the fucked up choices Ive made in the past
*Tired of spending too much time away from my dogs
*Tired of trying to balance 2 seperate households
*Tired of not traveling
*Tired of the physical pain of my back, knee & endiometriosis
*Tired of liars, cheats & criminals
*Tired of cold weather
*Tired of not having any "Me-Time"
*Tired of people who adopt animals that they are not ready for/are not compatible with(then they blame the animal for bad behavior)
*Tired of being so bitchy/mean & angry
I just wish I could figure WHAT is wrong with me-is it physcial? Mental? A bad combo of both? If I knew what I was dealing with-then I could start working on a "plan" to make it better.
Oh well.....until I do-I really have no choice but to SUCK IT UP, paint a smile on my face & kick-ass-NO MATTER WHAT.
Well I guess I do have another choice-I could sit back, wallow in the bullshit of it all and watch it get worse and worse...but THATS NOT AN OPTION!!
I just wanna feel good again...........
*Tired of going to Dr. appt's
*Tired of waiting to hear WHAT the Doc's are gunna do next
*Tired of not sleeping
*Tired of BEING TIRED
*Tired of working
*Tired of fighting my depression & trying to SMILE through it all
*Tired of all the bullshit behind the Tony/Beka stuff (You know I love you Beka-Girl!)
*Tired of beating myself up over the fucked up choices Ive made in the past
*Tired of spending too much time away from my dogs
*Tired of trying to balance 2 seperate households
*Tired of not traveling
*Tired of the physical pain of my back, knee & endiometriosis
*Tired of liars, cheats & criminals
*Tired of cold weather
*Tired of not having any "Me-Time"
*Tired of people who adopt animals that they are not ready for/are not compatible with(then they blame the animal for bad behavior)
*Tired of being so bitchy/mean & angry
I just wish I could figure WHAT is wrong with me-is it physcial? Mental? A bad combo of both? If I knew what I was dealing with-then I could start working on a "plan" to make it better.
Oh well.....until I do-I really have no choice but to SUCK IT UP, paint a smile on my face & kick-ass-NO MATTER WHAT.
Well I guess I do have another choice-I could sit back, wallow in the bullshit of it all and watch it get worse and worse...but THATS NOT AN OPTION!!
I just wanna feel good again...........
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
My New "THEME SONG"
Did any of yall ever watch "Ally Macbeal"? She always had a "theme song" that would EMPOWER HER when she heard it or thought about it, and even though the show is loooong-gone, I think about that.
Heres my New THEME SONG:
STRONGER WOMAN by Jewel
(Its actually written about leaving a loser boyfriend--I'm not relating to it in that way at this point in my life (so I left out the 1st few lines) but the REST of the song is PERFECT!!
I’m gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can’t see
The stronger woman in me
I’m gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won’t lose myself again
never, no
Cause theres a stronger woman
a stronger woman in me
light bulbs buzz I get up
and head to my drawer
wish there was more
I could say
another fairy tale fades to grey
I’ve lived on hope
Just like a child
walking that mile
faking that smile
all the while
wishing my heart had wings
well tonight I am gonna be
The kind of woman I want my daughter to be
I’m gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can’t see
There’s a stronger woman in me
Won’t lose myself again
never, no
Cause there’s a stronger woman, a stronger woman
this is me packing up my bags
this is me headed for the door
this is me the best you ever had
I’m gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can’t see
There’s a stonger woman in me
I’m gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
Won’t lose myself again
never, no
Cause there’s a stronger woman, stronger woman
Theres a stronger woman in me
Yeah
Heres my New THEME SONG:
STRONGER WOMAN by Jewel
(Its actually written about leaving a loser boyfriend--I'm not relating to it in that way at this point in my life (so I left out the 1st few lines) but the REST of the song is PERFECT!!
I’m gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can’t see
The stronger woman in me
I’m gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won’t lose myself again
never, no
Cause theres a stronger woman
a stronger woman in me
light bulbs buzz I get up
and head to my drawer
wish there was more
I could say
another fairy tale fades to grey
I’ve lived on hope
Just like a child
walking that mile
faking that smile
all the while
wishing my heart had wings
well tonight I am gonna be
The kind of woman I want my daughter to be
I’m gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can’t see
There’s a stronger woman in me
Won’t lose myself again
never, no
Cause there’s a stronger woman, a stronger woman
this is me packing up my bags
this is me headed for the door
this is me the best you ever had
I’m gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can’t see
There’s a stonger woman in me
I’m gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
Won’t lose myself again
never, no
Cause there’s a stronger woman, stronger woman
Theres a stronger woman in me
Yeah
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