Change of Heart

After alot of DEEEEEPPPPP soul-searching this weekend (and basically a breakdown on Friday) I have decided to not blog about my Love Dare, at least not for the time-being.

I am still doing it (well I am stuck on Day #5, but will continue) but I think I was blogging about it for all the wrong reasons.

I am doing the Transformation Challenge and really working on healing myself/making myself healthy and HAPPY from the INSIDE OUT. Thru some of Bill's assignments, I am learning more & more hard-to-face facts about myself. Things that I dont like and that I need to and WILL change, so that I can live the life that God has intended for me.

One big obstacle that I am working to overcome is that I have always been a "people-pleaser". ALWAYS looking to find "validation" thru others eyes, gain their acceptance...have them praise me, etc. Thats where I feel my Blogging of my Love Dare Challenge comes into play.

During my workout this morning , it hit me: As long as I am DOING the Dares, giving my heart & soul to complete each Day's "mission" and be the best (future) wife I can be to Chris, theres really no reason for me to blog about it to the whole world. I dont need anyones outside influence or praise-I only need Gods acceptance & guidance, and to learn how to find validation within myself.

I really do like the Dare, and I have seen so many ways that it is blessing my life already..but I just think (at least for right now) I need to do it quietly. But...if theres anything yall wanna ask me about it, Im open to share one-on-one...just shoot me an email or gimme a call :)

Super COOL PRODUCT REVIEW: The InStyler!

Ok..sorry girlz...this is totally off-topic from my Love Dare Assignments, but I HAFTA share my Product Review!

As some of you probably already know, I'm a Info-Mercial junkie!! I loooove watching and WANTING to buy gadgets and gizmos that are on the Infomercials! Seriously-how could I not?! WHERE oh wherrrrrre would I be without my Awesome George Foreman Grill (which cooked so many BFL meals over the years!) and my handy dandy, amazing Magic Bullet Blender? Honestly- I use those products almsot every single day!!

So....My newest InfoMercial love is the InStyler: "The Amazing Rotating Hot Iron that straightens, curls & styles faster than you ever dreamed possible!"

I received the InStlyer from my Mom as a Christmas Gift. I guess she seen the commercial, and KNOWS how I fight & fight with my super curly, thick hair to get it smooth & straight and thought "She's gunna loove this!" She was RIGHT!!

Since the product was on backorder..it just arrived a few days ago. Today was the 1st time I used it-OMGoshhhhh. I. Have. Straight. Shiny, Hair!!!! AND...it only took me less than 20 minutes! I have NEVERRRRR found ANYTHING that could do this-so Im all giddy about it :)

Didnt have time (was runnin late for work) to try out how it curls/flips/adds volume but it worked a miracle on my dry, washed-yesterday, frizzy-nappy mane!

Day 1- Love Is Patient

My Day # 1 Assignment: Resolve to demonstrate patience & to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the tempatation arises, choose to not say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

I THOUGHT it was actually going to be fairly easy for me because Chris & I don't really say anything negative ABOUT each other to each other. (but yeahhh..as my BFF's can attest to-I DO have a tendency to "vent" during girl-talk!) I even became a little "cocky" about the Assignment during the early part of the day ...thinking " I've got this one ace-d!"

THEN.....reality check! After re-reading the Assignment and talkin to Jen, I realized it wasnt necessarily about me saying negative things ABOUT Him.....it NEEDED to include saying NOTHING NEGATIVE AT ALL! Ahhhhh!!!! Now THIS was gunna be ALOT harder...

Suddenly, I started re-playing scenes in my head of all the negative things I say on a regular basis TO Chris about "stuff". All kinds of stuff: gossipy stuff, sh*t-talkin stuff, mean, nasty stuff: comments about EVERYTHING from the way people drive, to how a store clerk "thinks shes all that" and just STUFF! Honestly, its all stuff that I DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT AT ALL!!! Plus, its almost ALWAYS just MY PERCEPTION of things, not reality!

So....with my new-found awareness of how much of a Negative-Nancy I have been....I headed over to Chris' for dinner, to spend some time with my honey, and of course-put Assingment 1 into action.
I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT what came out of my mouth from the moment I stepped thru the door....and remained COMPLETLY negative-free.... FOR THE FIRST TWO HOURS. Then, without even thinking...I did it. I started saying just stupid negative things about the singers on the music videos we were watching. WTHeck?? "Dangg...he looks BADDDDDDD in this video"..."Wow-WHAT happened to herrrrr-she USED TO BE soo pretty in her last video"...blah blah blahhhhhhh. Just stupid negative comments about STUFF.

As soon as I realized what I was saying, I STOPPED. Stopped sayin all that crap dead on the spot! Who was I to be JUDGING someone else, or even talking about them? I surely was NOT actin/living as the woman I want to become...so I apologized to Chris and God for my actions & words.

After that, I am proud to say I did ALOT better! :) No negativity or trash-talkin, even when Chris said he wanted to have a Redneck Wedding like "My Big Redneck Wedding" TV show! hahahaha!
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On another note:
I spent ALOT of time thinking today about NEGATIVE TALK and I think I need to add a new "Twist" to my Love Dare: I need to not say anything negative TO MYSELF for the next day. Now THIS is gunna be the REAL Challenge.....

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Don't forget...this Mission is TOP SECRET!

Im still undecided if I am goin to keep this blog public or make it private Honestly I dont think anyone reads it anymore anyways) But...I dont want Chris to find out about the Dare Journey :) (He never "checks up on me" ..but his Gramma had the link, so Im not sure if she drops in from time to time.) So Chris' Gramma..If you do stop by -PLEASE don't tell!

I'm Taking The Dare!

On New Years Day I started thinking about The Love Dare. I read a little bit about it online, and had pretty much decided I was going to get the book and give it a try..but I was still hestitant because its written for MARRIED couples. If youre not familiar with it, it is a 40 Day Journey that you do WITHOUT your spouse/partner knowing that you are doing it. Each day there is a new "Secret Agent" Assignment or Mission as my girls like to call it...and each is designed to build an even stronger, God-based relationship. Think that kinda sums it up :)

After lots of thinkin and girl-talk w/BFF Jen, I made the committment. And even though it is written to help marriages (and we're not married YET), I KNOW Chris & I WILL be married, so why not start now?! Nothing like a super strong foundation right? And seriously-we've been together almost every single day since our 1st date almost 2 years ago :)

I prepped myself on Sunday..with a start date of Monday Jan 12. I read ahead a few days, tryin to get an idea of what to expect and see if it really could/will benefit us even as a "dating" couple....and the excitment started to grow :) So...true to form, wouldnt you know... the devil TRIED to steer me off course! Chris & I went to Starbucks immediatly after I read my book--me all full of optimsm and giddy...looking forward to starting the Dare the next day. I decided to stay in the car as he ran in..no big deal. When he came back, he was smiling & happy-- he had ran into an ex-GF's parents inside. It was the 1st time he had seen them in YEARS. Again..no big deal RIGGGHHHTTT?? So WHY did I suddenly become the Insecure, jealous, ugly-actin GF?? I neverrrrr get like that with Chris! He has never given me ANY reason what-so-ever to feel jealous, so why now? Then it became clear..that dang ol' devil! He was workin OT that day....I found out later that he even tried to prevent Jen from starting her Dare too--but we are Women of Christ: WE WILL NOT BE MOVED!!

A wonderful new friend of mine is currently doing the Love Dare too (shes on Day 11 I think) and she is blogging her journey. I AM SO THANKFUL for her honesty and for giving me the inspiration to be honest and open too. I am following her lead, and blessed by her each time I read her entries. And I can't foregt to mention: She describes us as "Secret Agent Wives!" I LOVE THAT! It sounds sooo exciting and mysterious!

One of my Biggest Challenges while I blog my journey is simple-to be here, be open, honest, put myself "out there" and allow myself to be vulnerable.It puts me WAAAAY out of my comfort zone, but the time is right, and it NEEDS to be done, so that I can become the woman that God made me to be!