"THE Story"....(warning: This is gunna be a long one)

So how did "someone" (ME!) who KNOWS BFL works, and has had really good success with it, leave the BFL lifestyle after a few years of following it and end up 11+ months later...f*cked up in the head & fighting an eating disorder?

Last Jan, for reasons beyond my control, I had to move back to CA, and in w/my parents. (Within a 2 week period, I had lost my job, my apt & ended a relationship.) I was at such a huge cross-road & felt like the biggest f-in LOSER ever...and felt that everything I had worked sooo damn hard for when I moved to AZ was g-o-n-e. So....I decided I needed new direction & a new focus. I guess I also felt that I NEEDED to prove to myself & everyone around me that I WASNT a total loser. (Actually-much later- I found out(realized) that no one except MYSELF thought I was a loser)

On Feb 1st I hired a Personal Trainer. I did my homework..and decided on a really great one. When I started-I told my Trainer my main goal-to be in the BEST shape of my life for the BFL Cruise in May. That and that I had always DREAMED of competing in a Figure Comp before I turned 40. We focused on the goal at hand (the cruise) & agreed that we would work together to push me and see just how much I could handle--to see if competing in the (FAR)future would be do-able or not.
The 1st few weeks went great! I wasnt workin at the time, so I was able to focus 100% on my program. Switching from eating BFL way to my new plan was alot easier for me than I thought it would be. I had never done a really low carb meal plan before and WOW!!! MY BODY LOVED IT!!! Within 2 weeks I was SEEING changes! (On BFL it always took about 8+ weeks to really see changes)
I think it was around week #4, My trainer was really impressed w/ my 1st weigh in and pics, so much that we decided to take me to the next level. I was asked: "D...are you ready for the REAL hardcore stuff? Im talkin about hard-core, figure comp-girl type of training and dieting?" Me: HELL YEAH!! BRING-It-ONNNNNN!!" That 1st step of "Hardcore" was to start tryin "metabolism-manipulation". I started off w/ ONE no-carb day. Not too bad....I survived, and when asked if I could handle a new cycle of no carb/then VERY LOW carb days I totally accepted the challenge & KICKED ASS!! I also had to UP my cardio. I was doing 3 Workouts a day! An hour + of cardio at 5am, back to the gym around 12:30 for 2 + HOURS of lifting and some cardio...then back to the gym later that day/night for another HOUR+ of cardio. It was hard-as-hell, but I had a friend that was training for a comp-and this is what she was doing...so I wanted to see if I could handle it. It kicked my ass& I felt like shit, but hey-I was droppin inches and weight like fuckin crazy! and it also became sort-of addicting. I went for weeks...NO cheats AT ALL..not even lickin my fingers while cooking for Blake!) I WAS ON FIRE!!

Right after I started this- I got into more & more no carb days...I started hearing all the comments & compliments. I had people coming up to me at the gym, people in stores , it seemed like everywhere I went I was finally getting compliments & everyone asked what was I doin. It became kinda ADDICTING. I would get such a RUSH from it--and when I started seeing MUSCLES in the mirror-that became even more addicting.

At 1st, when I did more than 2-3 no carb days in a row...it would really take its toll on me. I would literally fall asleep by 6 pm. I was cranky, mean & tired. Then...as soon as I was able to re-feed w/ veggies or oatmeal...my energy levels would SKY ROCKET. It was almost drug-like. (Plus...my veins would really POP after gettin a few carbs back in me, which I LOVED!)

I kept this up until the Cruise....and when I stepped on the ship that day-I WAS smaller than I had been since probably high-school. I loved the comments I got from all my BFL buddies who hadnt seen me in a long time. I LOVED that I was wearing a pair of JUNIOR-size 11 cargo shorts when I got there! I also LOVED that I was gunna wear a SIZE NINE formal dress to the Captains dinner!
Even as happy as all of that made me..I wasnt mentally prepared for the DOWNSIDE of living a no-carb/low carb & heavy training lifestyle.

All the fantastic feelings I had about my new SMALL clothes?? That all changed less than 24 HOURS after gettin on the ship. As soon as I ate "regular" food....I started to BLOW UP! My gorgeous size 9 dress? I had to wear a frickin "girdle-type" garment under it just so I could fit into it, and just 2 days earleir it fit and LOOKED amazing! WTF?! All of it got me so depressed that I turned back to my old nasty way of bingeing, which of course just made EVERYTHING worse.

My bingeing affected the whole trip. How crazy is it that the one event I was preparing for was ruined becuz of the way I got there?

Fast forward a few more months. I ended up gettin into a really vicious cycle of doing No carb days all day long & lots of cardio, then would binge at night. My body started to change the way it reacted to carbs too. I got to the point that when I had NO carbs...I would be BOUNCING off the walls!! But...add carbs back in-even healthy ones...I was literally fallin asleep within 30 min of consumption. It started to really affect me & it wasnt the best thing for my relationship either. When I asked my trainer about it-I was told "This is where we wanna be! This is the OPTIMAL Fat-burning stage!! Now we just need to add in extra cradio & we'll be good." So...I kept it up. Vicious vicious cycle...no carb all day, binge at night, wake up & feel so fuckin guilty that I would start all over again. The really bad part? I knew that no matter HOW MUCH damage I did with the binge... I could go on a 24 hour no-carb diet, workout hella hard, drink 1-2 gals of water I would DROP 6-7 POUNDS within that 24 hr period. I did this CONSTANTLY for a couple of months. Guess what? it fucked me up!!! Up..down..up...down...not only did it take its toll on me physically but mentally: awwhhhhhh shittttt..........


*to be continued*